Friday, February 27, 2009

Becoming Pagan, the first time - Part XI

Joe's uncle at the time was dating this lady named Jeanie. She was and is, one of the most interesting people I have ever met to date. She was cool and hip and dressed in sexy flowy outfits. She was making a documentary on Egypt and had been there and actually went on a special tour inside the pyramids. She was into mysticism and tarot cards and aliens. She was really awesome. Jeannie had been married to a really rich man at one point, I think he was abusive. She secretly went back to school became a nurse and stashed away a bunch of money. She made good investments. Really good investments. She got away from the bad ex husband. She talked me into taking a tarot reading class with her. It was a local psychic who put on a small class about tarot and crytals and auras. Everyone brought a dish and it was vegetarian. A whole new world opened up to me. A world of mysticism and intrigue. Then I bought the book about practicing as a solitary wiccan. It was good. I liked it. Finally, a way I could worship and actually not have to be subjected to other peoples critiscism. It was about nature and self. I loved having an altar. With fresh flowers and crystals. It was a work of art. It was a small bit of sacred in my own house. I loved the feminine aspect of the religion. The feminine energy is a beautiful and divine one. I felt it during that time. It felt different than God. But just as real. I cant explain it.

We moved into a house about a year or so after I became Pagan the first time. The house always had a weird energy. Supposedly, some guy died there or his wife died there or something really weird. I never felt comfortable there. I washed the doors with salt and left food out for the fairies like a good pagan. I still never felt comfortable. I saged the house, practically catching it on fire. Still no comfort. During this time I was meditating in the bedroom and felt a truly evil presence come into the room...

I dont really know what it was, but it was evil. It scared the crap out of me. I barely could ever go back in that room again. It was around this time I started to lose my vision and get horrible headaches. I knew something was wrong, but didnt know what.
My massage thereapist told me I had a "spirit attachment", the doctors told me everything from "I was just a crazy female to menengitis", none of which was correct. Meanwhile, my vision went. I managed to finish school thanks to Keri helping me and my teachers coming over and reading my tests to me and stuff. I didnt meditate or anything anymore because I was too freaked out. I built a wall around myself and stopped letting people in. I got divorced, went bankrupt, had a zillion spinal taps and felt like I had nothing left.

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