Monday, April 13, 2009

The thunder has begun...

I always feel so aimless, wandering around life...occasionally bumping into things here and there. I wonder why God put us here. I know I am not the first to think this. I's sure I wont be the last. Here I am. Disconnected. Occasionally catching a glimpse of God, here and there. I think that probably I caught a glimpse of where God was, His footsteps. How biblical of me. :O) *pats self on back for actually remembering something I read, even its an obscure reference that noone will get* (or mostly noone) (or a few someones) or something.

Are we all just islands? God the ocean? Touching us occasionally? Surrounding us? Sending an occasional flood to wipe us out? Ok, well one flood. But still...I know I know, the rainbow... Diffused or rather, refracted light makes me feel very secure...LOL I think God as the ocean is an analogy that I can grasp. But even the ocean is finite. But its beautiful and yet can rage. Its calm waves are soothing and renewing, and yet it can destroy you. Its overwhelming. Its deep. Its mysterious...and there are moments when the light refracts on the ocean and the light becomes liquid and it pools across the surface...a glimpse of a mystery we cant explain.

I yearn to come home. To look out from my island and see a distant shore...Rather, I yearn for that feeling of coming home. But I think there is no way home. Its gone.
There is no way back, only to continue forward. Yet I still ache for it. With every single fiber of who I am. I know its there. I feel it. I mean... I.FEEL.IT.
And if these words could even come close to conveying, this utter need for it, I could tell you. What are we made of? Here. What? What stitches our seams and keeps us together...keeps that need to connect from consuming us, drowning us, grinding us into flour...

Sure, we do things to feel or to not feel...We partake of the drink to feel more connected and in essence, disconnect ourselves even more...farther away from the shoreline, farther than ever. And yet the urge is there. The primal instinct lusts for it. Needs it. I mean, the destination. Nothing ever will fill us like reconnecting to God. And we wont do that until the final chapter. And dont look ahead. Because you think you know the ending, but you dont.

The window of the world is narrow and the glass is cold to the touch.

No comments:

Post a Comment