If anyone says ever being a Christian is easy, they are smoking crack. I am too pagan (so to speak) for the Christian's and too Christian for the Pagan's. (Literally)... Choosing to act in love and forgiveness is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, especially when I feel I am vindicated and my self riotousness overflows....almost enough to drown me. To recognize I have done something wrong and to own it, despite being hurt.....but actually choosing forgiveness. Forgiveness. It is forgiving yourself in spite of your own humanity. It is hard. And Forgiving others, even when you know you are right.
But the freedom of the soul that binds itself to forgiveness, is like a cool breeze, salty and warm, floating off the sea on the wings of angels...it envelopes you.
Keeping your eye on what Jesus actually said, and nothing else. Not followers of Jesus, not anyone else, but Him. That is hard. But I will love and forgive. Despite myself.